If You Love Me
by R0KI
Summary: After the other nations save China from Russia's abuse, Poland knows Russia will go after Lithuania next. Unfortunately, Russia knows exactly what Poland is doing and decides to make sure Lithuania knows who he belongs to. Previously titled: Ištvermė.
1. Chapter 1

**I've written a story about Russia and Latvia and I've written a story about Russia and Estonia. There's no way I could let Lietuva go ignored! But unlike the other two, this is going to be a multi-chapter fic slightly inspired by an episode of Law and Order: SVU (because what better way to get inspiration for Lithuania than watching a show about victims of rape and abuse). I'm going to try to do regular updates, especially since I only have 1 week of school left.**

**Heads Up! I use lots of languages besides English. For the most part, the translation is right next to it. Also, if the language spoken isn't mentioned, assume it's the language of the character speaking. And lastly, I used Google Translator. I speak English, Spanish, and Japanese, none of these other European languages. I've done my best to check translations, but I just thought I'd throw that out there.**

**So please review and tell me what you think! Give me the motivation to keep going!**

**Much Love,**  
**Roki**

**P.S. I, unfortunately, do not claim ownership of Hetalia**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Toris still didn't understand why he was sitting at this table. The other nations insisted that he and his brothers come to the World Conference, despite Ivan's objections. But this meeting was about the treatment of fellow nations, especially allies. It was all because of Ivan, and because of that, the Baltics had to be there.

In the past, they had always sat in a very certain order. It was geographic, putting China and Lithuania on either side of Russia, but not today. Today Arthur sat beside Ivan and Yao took Arthur's seat on the other side of the table. No one wanted Yao near Ivan, not after what they had just discovered.

While Ludwig went on about what is and is not acceptable for nations such as themselves, Toris let his eyes wander around the table. At last they fell on Alfred as he tried to speak to Yao. It looked like the American was trying to help his friend. He could be compassionate sometimes it seemed.

But Yao never responded to Alfred's words. Toris saw him staring at his tormentor, at Ivan, with a look in his eyes that showed a completely broken man. Toris wondered how long it would be before Yao smiled again, laughed again.

His eyes moved down to Feliks, and Toris was surprised to see his old friend staring intently at Ivan, a concerned look on his face. Then, much to his surprise, Feliks looked at him before twirling a section of hair around his finger. Toris knew what that meant, even though it had been years since he had seen Feliks to that. It was part of their code from when they we younger and still living together.

Feliks twisted his hair: _"We need to talk."_

Toris adjusted one of the cuffs on his sleeve: _"Where?"_

Feliks put both of his hands on the table and looked at Alfred. _"America's office."_

It was going to be risky, getting away from Ivan. They both knew that. Toris would have to have some kind of excuse that Ivan would hopefully accept.

Once the meeting was over, Toris saw his friend duck out of the nearest door as quickly as possible. Toris tried to leave with the bulk of the nations, hoping to put some people between himself and Ivan. Once the Russian was out of sight, Toris ran to Alfred's office.

Once he was inside, Feliks shut the door and locked it.

"What's this about?" Toris began to ask, but Feliks just pinned him against the wall.

"Come back and live with me Liet." Toris had never seen his friend so serious before. "We can do it right now, you never have to see that terrible man again."

"Feliks," Toris said quietly, "I can't just leave Raivis and Eduard there."

"But you saw it, didn't you? You know what that man like did to Yao right? Why would you go back?"

Toris hesitated for a moment before nodding. If he really thought about it, he knew what had been happening to Yao. He just never wanted to admit it to himself.

"And you're totally not stupid, right Liet? I like know you aren't! You know he's not going to stop just because he doesn't have Yao!"

"I know. He's just going to find someone else." Toris couldn't shake the feeling that Feliks wanted to say something else. But he didn't wan to push him.

But it seemed like the push wouldn't be needed because, at that moment, Feliks grabbed the front of his shirt. "You're next Liet!" he shouted. "Why don't you see that?"

Toris pulled Feliks in closer and kissed him. This was nothing new between them, they had gone much farther than this before they were separated. But Toris had forgotten what it felt like to kiss Feliks. He had forgotten just how right it felt, just how perfectly their lips seemed to fit together.

"You idiot," Feliks said when they finally broke apart again. "Do you like think that you can make me forget about this or something? 'Cause I totally won't forget."

Toris shook his head. "It's not that. But if what you say is right and Ivan will go after me next, I have to be there. I can't let him take his anger out on Eduard or Raivis. I have to endure it in order to protect them."

He turned to leave the room, but Feliks grabbed his arm. "Nie! Nie rób tego! (No! Don't do it!)"

Toris pulled his friend in close and they touched foreheads. "I'm sorry Feliks. You have to understand where I'm coming from."

"I do but- Liet, I don't want to see you get hurt." Feliks wrapped his arms around Toris's neck, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

Toris lifted Feliks's face up and kissed him one more time. "I have to go," he said quietly before going out the door.

XXX

Toris was cleaning up that night's dinner when he heard steps come up behind him and arms wrapped around his chest and upper arms. "So Toris," Ivan said in his ear. The voice sent shivers up Toris's spine. "Where did you disappear to after the meeting today? I was worried about you."

"I'm sorry sir, I thought I had lost track of Raivis and went to go look for him." It was the same excuse he had given that afternoon and he hoped that Ivan would accept it.

"Правда? (really?)" Ivan asked, confirming Toris's fear: He did not believe Toris's excuse. "Because I lost track of your friend Feliks after the meeting as well."

Toris was sure his heart stopped.

"I don't like it when you lie to me," Ivan said, tightening his grip around Toris's torso. "People who lie to me need to be punished. I don't like it when things that belong to me don't tell me when they aren't being faithful to me."

Ivan let him go and began to dig though the knife drawer. "Take of your apron and shirt, Toris" He sounded much more calm and collected, and all the more terrifying because of it.

When Toris didn't move, Ivan swung a knife in his face. Toris raised his right hand to block it and received a large gash in his palm. He gasped a fell to his knees, trying to stop the quickly growing flow of blood from his hand.

"That's what you get for not listening to me," Ivan said matter-of-factly, throwing the bloody knife in the sink and continuing his search through the drawer. "Now take off your shirt."

Toris actually did it this time, scared of what Ivan could do next if he disobeyed again. His hand hurt terribly, but he tried to ignore the pain and the steady drip of blood as he undid the buttons of his shirt with his other hand.

Finally, Ivan turned around holding a small paring knife. "These little knives are so cute, да?" He was smiling horribly and he began to move closer to Toris, backing him in to the wall. He put one hand on the Baltic's shoulder as he brought the knife down to the left side of Toris's waist.

"You mine, right Lithuania?" he asked, sounding so much like a child that it was unnerving. "So why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't-" Toris began to say, but the rest of his words were lost in his own screams. Ivan had put the knife into his skin and cut.

"What were you saying?" Ivan asked, licking the small amount of blood from the tip of the knife.

Toris drew several rattling breaths before speaking. "Ivan, please, my hand-"

"Ah, it is unfortunate, isn't it? But that still isn't what I wanted to hear." He brought the knife back down and cut Toris again. But this time, Toris didn't scream.

"I was with Feliks," he finally said shortly. "He told me that no matter what the others said, you wouldn't stop with Yao."

Again, the knife met his skin. This time it cut in a circle and the twisting of the knife in his skin made Toris scream one more time. Once he had finished, Ivan put the knife in the sink and walked out of the room.

Once the only sound Toris could hear was his own ragged breathing, he moved over to where he had dropped his apron and shirt. He wrapped the apron around his hand and pressed it to where Ivan had cut his waist. He hung his shirt over his shoulder and left the kitchen, hoping Eduard could finish the dishes.

Toris found his brother folding some laundry and knocked on the door frame. "Eduard," he said to his younger brother's back as he continued to work. "Can you do me a favor?"

Eduard turned around, surprised. Toris never asked him for favors. When he saw how pale his brother was and caught sight of the blood that had run down his arm, Eduard dropped the shirt he had been holding. "Jumal küll! (Oh my God!) Toris, are you okay?"

Toris looked away from his brother. He couldn't stand to see the horrified look on his face. It just made the whole situation that much worse. "I'm fine." They both knew he was lying, but Toris didn't want to share this with his brother just yet. "I just need to go take care of some things. Can you finish the dishes for me?"

"Of course."

"Ačiū. (Thanks.)"

Leaving Eduard behind, Toris went to his room and shut the door. He took his hand off the cuts in his side and gasped. The letters "Po" were carved into his skin.

"Dieve, Feliksas buvo teisus. Dabar mano eilė. (God, Feliks was right. I'm next.)" Toris collapsed into a chair and began to sob. He remembered Yao's face when the other nations had found him. Was that his fate? Was Ivan going to break him down until not even the thought of freedom, the thought of Feliks, would stir emotion in him?

A knock on the door brought him back to the present.

"Toris," Eduard said from the other side of the door. "I'm coming in." The door opened and the blond boy walked inside. "You lied to me," he said shortly. "I knew you lied before, I could see the blood on your arm. But I saw the knives." Toris looked away, ashamed. "It was _him_, wasn't it?"

Toris just looked at him for a moment, all of his self control holding back tears. He couldn't be weak in front of his brothers. "Don't tell Raivis," he finally said.

After a moment, Eduard sighed. "Do you need help?" Toris nodded, not wanting to speak again. "What should I do?"

With his good hand, Toris pointed to his bathroom and Eduard went off to go get bandages. He came back and Toris held out his hand for Eduard to bandage. "Why did Ivan do this to you?" Eduard asked as he cleaned the gash and began to wrap it.

"He was aiming for my face," Toris said quietly. "So I held my hand up to block it."

"But why?"

Toris bit his lower lip and fought to control himself for a minute. "I lied to him about where I went after the Conference. I went to talk with Feliks." He paused to see how his brother would react, but Eduard simply continued to wrap his hand. "He offered to get me out of this house. But I told him no. I didn't think I could leave you and Raivis here without knowing that you would be safe from Ivan."

Eduard's grip on Toris's hand tightened, causing Toris to wince. "You had the chance to get out of here and you didn't take it?" His voice shook slightly as though he was forcing himself to not shout.

"Of course not. How could I live with myself if I knew that my brothers were here with that man without someone to protect them?"

"We would've found a way out," Eduard said quietly. He finished securing the bandage before standing up slowly. His clenched hands shook as he stood, giving away just how he felt.

"Or he could've killed you," Toris responded.

Then Eduard snapped. "You're the only one with a way out! Why didn't you take it when you had the chance? If you were out, you could help us follow you! Now, thanks to you, we are all going to die here!"

Toris had to admit, he never thought of that. But before he could come up with a dignified response, Eduard began to pace back and forth, muttering under his breath.

"Nüüd, lihtsalt, sest sa oled liiga kuradi üllas, me oleme kõik saab olema ummikus see maja. Ainuke asi, me suutma ära kuulata igal õhtul on heli meie vennad karjuvad, kui see ei ole meile. Ja peal on kõik et ... Lätis. Mis juhtub, et Raivas? Ta ei ole nagu meil. Kui me ei päästa teda enne Ivan hakkab mõjutama teda, ta võib olla liiga hilja. Ja see on kõik olete süüdi, vend!"

Toris only managed to understand a little of what his brother was saying. He didn't speak Estonian; he had enough trouble with just Russian and Polish on top of his own. But he had picked up a few words over the years and he did understand the last sentence. Eduard had shouted it at him slow enough for him to understand what he said: _It's all your fault, brother._

It was difficult to think about how his actions were having the exact opposite effect which he intended them for.

Eduard shook his head. "I'm sorry. Toris, I didn't mean to say any of that. I just- It's only because we've gone so long without any hope of getting away from Ivan."

"I know," Toris said, taking one of his brother's hands in his good one. "And I know I didn't make the smartest choice. But I could never live happily away from Ivan if I know you and Raivis are still with him." He could feel Eduard's hand shaking a little in his own and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright, Eduard. So it'll be some cuts here and there. What's the worst that could happen?"

* * *

**Here's a translation for that large chunk of Estonian. I didn't want to put it in the story.**  
"Now, just because you're too damn noble, we're all going to be stuck in this house. The only thing we'll hear every night is the sound of our brothers screaming. And on top of all that...Latvia. What happens to Raivas? He's not like us. If we don't save him before Ivan begins to affect him, it may be too late. And it's all your fault, brother!"

**So...what did you think? Please let me know in a review! And don't forget to add this story to your alerts so you know when I update it!**

**Published: May 20, 2010  
Update: July 9, 2010** - Fixed some Lithuanian thanks to Eglaya


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this took so long to update. But my parents haven't paid the bill and now we have no internet. So now a family of 6 has to share one wireless card. This is one of my first chances to get online.**

**So anyway, here's chapter 2! And to clarify, this first part is a memory. Also, just for my own sanity, I have to say that I'm not a big supporter of either Germany/Austria or America/China, even though it could be taken like that in this chapter. I'm not against them, but I just can't support them with things like Prussia/Austria and USUK out there. xD**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_"Alfred?" Toris asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"_

_Alfred didn't answer. He just pushed through the door followed by Francis, Arthur, Ludwig, and Roderich. They all gathered in the main hall and Alfred turned on Toris. "Where is he?"_

_"Ivan? The last I saw him he was in his office." Toris was confused. Since when did people besides Feliks or Yao ever come to see Ivan?_

_Alfred grabbed Toris's arms and Toris saw fear in his eyes. "No, where's Yao?"_

_"I haven't seen him in several days. Why?" He saw Eduard enter the main room and stand in the door, a confused look on his face._

_Alter turned to the other nations that had come with him. "Spread out. Search everywhere. We have to find him." They all ran off in different directions, leaving Toris in the hall alone._

_Toris ran over to Eduard. "What's going on?" his brother asked._

_"I don't know. But I'm worried. Where's Raivis?"_

_"He's doing laundry."_

_Toris began to move away. "Just make sure he stays there. I'll find out what's going on." He turned to follow Alfred and Arthur up the stairs._

"_Toris," a voice said from the room to his right._

_The Lithuanian froze in his pursuit of the other nations to stick his head in Ivan's office. "Did you just call me, sir?"_

_Ivan nodded. "Would you care to tell me why uninvited guests are storming around my house?"_

"_Um," Toris looked down at his hands, too nervous to meet Ivan's eyes. "Alfred said they were looking for Yao."_

"_And of course, you trust every word that comes out of that American's mouth."_

_Toris felt a light blush begin to creep across his face. "Well," he said slowly, wringing his hands together, "we _are_ friends. And he has helped me bef-" But before he was able to finish his sentence, Ivan ran out of his office, pulling at Toris's wrist as he ran._

"_Wait! Ivan, what are you doing?"_

"_I don't like it when people touch things that belong to me." He rammed his shoulder into his bedroom door and Toris stumbled in behind him._

_Arthur was collapsed in a chair, his head in his hands. Alfred's bomber jacket was laying on Ivan's bed, next to a door in the wall that Toris had never seen before. He couldn't see inside the door, it was too dark._

"_How could you?" Arthur said quietly, not looking up at Ivan. "You're a bloody, disgusting bastard, Ivan. I couldn't even stay in there to help him."_

_Toris pulled his arm out of Ivan's grip and backed away. "Ivan, what is going on? Where's Yao?"_

_But Ivan didn't respond. He just stepped off to the side and sat himself in an armchair, his eyes locked on the doorway. The silence that accompanied his movements weighed down on the room. Toris felt like he couldn't even breathe._

_Several sets of footsteps were heard running down the hall and the door burst open. "Eduard said you were all in here," France said, slightly breathless. Ludwig was supporting a breathless Roderich behind the Frenchman. "Where's Yao?"_

_He received no actual answer until they all heard the footsteps coming from the dark room. Moments later, Alfred came out of the room, supporting a half-naked Yao._

"_Mon Dieu, (My God)" Frances gasped._

_Yao looked dead. His eyes were unfocused, he could barely stand. His chest was covered in scares. His lips were dry and cracked, dark red with his own dried blood._

_As Alfred coved Yao with his jacket, Toris glanced over at Ivan. The Russian seemed transfixed. He stared at Yao with a hunger Toris had never seen before. "__Ты прекрасeн__, (You're beautiful)" he whispered, licking his bottom lip with an expression of hunger and greed that was horrifying._

_But it was only then that Yao moved. Alfred's whispers and words of encouragement had none of the effect that those two words of Ivan's had on the man._

_Yao looked up at Ivan. "I love you," he said quietly._

"_Gott, (God)" Toris hear Roderich say into Ludwig's shoulder._

_Toris was starting to feel sick. The way Yao and Ivan looked at each other was repulsive._

"_Yao, __любовь __моя (my love), you don't have to worry. You will be with me again, I promise."_

_A shadow of fear crossed Yao's face. But he just nodded._

"_Ivan, Yao will never be near you again," Alfred said, sounding equally defiant and terrified. He led Yao out of the room, mostly dragging the Chinese man. The other nations followed them out (Arthur shrugging off the arm Francis put around his shoulder for support)._

_The door shut behind all of them, leaving Toris in Ivan's room with the Russian. Toris felt Ivan's cool gaze fall on him and suddenly felt sick. He ran into Ivan's bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He was on his knees, shaking. What he had just seen was so wrong in so many ways. He had been here the whole time. Was there any sign that this was happening? If there was, he hadn't seen it. Toris felt ashamed._

_A hand rested on his head, cause Toris to freeze. "Alfred was wrong, __да__? Yao will be mine again. You agree, Toris, don't you?" He began to run his hand though Toris's hair. It reminded Toris of the way Feliks used to run his hand though his hair. The thought of comparing Feliks to Ivan made Toris feel like he was going to be sick again._

"_You agree with me," Ivan said again, his hand running one more time though Toris's hair. "Don't you?" he shouted. The hand in Toris's hair suddenly tightened and pulled him backwards, slamming Toris into the wall._

XXX

Toris woke up in a cold sweat, tears running down his cheeks. He felt like he was going to be sick all over again. Every time he dreamed about that day, he always woke up feeling as though it had just happened.

He got in the shower to wash off some of the sweat, his breath catching when the freezing water hit his back. He waited a minute, like he always did, to adjust to the icy water before turning around and washing his face. When the blast from the showerhead hit his hip, he gasped. Those two letters Ivan had carved in to him were hardly scabbed over, and the water had caused them to rip a little, allowing blood to run down his leg and swirl around the drain.

He got out of the shower and dried himself off, taking care around his cuts. Then he covered the letters with a piece of gauze and some medical tape and changed the bandages on his hand.

Once Toris was dressed, he went down to the kitchen. He knew Ivan wouldn't be up for at least another hour, giving him time to cook his boss breakfast.

But when he got to the kitchen, Raivis was already there, trying to fry an egg on the stove.

"Raivis, what are you doing here?" Toris asked.

His little brother didn't turn around. "Eduard told me to help you, so I came down to start cooking." Raivis was desperately trying to scrap the egg off the pan, but to no avail.

"Here," Toris said, taking the spatula out of the boy's hand. "Let me do this. I don't see why Eduard thought I would need help."

Raivis grabbed Toris's bad hand has he reached out for another egg. "Brother, what happened?"

"It's nothing," Toris said, pulling his hand back. "Pass me an egg, will you."

"B-But, your hand!"

"I cut myself while cleaning up dinner last night, alright? Now pass me an egg. You don't want Ivan to get angry, do you? Then go get the mail and give it to Ivan. He should be in his office."

Once breakfast was ready, Toris laid it out on a tray and brought it to Ivan. Just as he had told Raivis, Ivan was in his office.

"Toris!" Ivan said, far too cheerfully in the Baltic's opinion. "Just who I was looking for!" When Toris put the food laden try down, Ivan grabbed his tie, and pulled Toris over the desk, into a kiss. Toris could feel Ivan trying to coax a response out of him, but Toris remained still.

"Did you need anything else, sir?" Toris asked, as if nothing had just happened, although he felt like he was going to be sick.

"Ah, yes. There is one thing I need your help with. You speak Polish, don't you?"

Toris felt his stomach do a flip. Of course he spoke Polish. Why did Ivan even bother to ask? He nodded in response to Ivan's question and the Russian help up a letter.

"This was in the mail. Unfortunately, I can't read it. Would you care to translate it for me?" He held out a sheet of paper and Toris took it, curiously.

But the moment he saw the handwriting, he knew that this letter wasn't for Ivan. "Um, sir," Toris said, trying to remain composed. "This is actually a letter for me. There is no need for me to translate it for you, is there?"

"Kolkolkol. Of course you still have to translate it for me. I need to know what outsiders are writing to things that belong to me."

Toris shuddered a little before looking down at the letter and reading it out loud.

_Dearest Liet,_

_I'm still totally worried about you. I, like, don't trust Ivan at all. Is he hurting you? What about Estonia or Latvia? I am still here for you. Please write me if you, like, need me for anything. Like totally, anything._

_This past week, I've totally been remembering all the time we spent together when we were cute little kids (or at least, I was cute ;)). I totally miss those days. Please come back to me soon. Please come back to me safe. Please let me know if Ivan hurts you, like, as soon as you can._

_Love,  
Feliks_

By the time he had finished reading the letter, Toris was shaking. It was partly with sadness, partly with fear, and partly with rage. He missed Feliks so much; he was scared of Ivan's reaction; and he couldn't understand how Feliks could be stupid enough to put these kinds of things into a letter.

He looked up at Ivan, who's expression had been unreadable. After a few seconds, a wide childish smile spread across his face. "Toris, is your friend stupid?"

Toris knew this wasn't a question that Ivan expected an answer for.

"Maybe this hasn't been made clear, but you belong to me." Ivan's hand moved across his desk to grip something that Toris hadn't seen before, it was the paring knife from last night.

"I understand, sir. I promise you that I understand completely." He crumpled the letter in his hands, feeling like he was doing the same thing to Feliks. "I honestly don't know what he was thinking, sending a letter like this."

Ivan stood from his desk, the knife remaining behind. "I think you're lying to me again. If you understood, you wouldn't have gone to talk to Feliks after the Conference. Maybe I need to finish labeling you." He slapped Toris with enough force to bring him to the ground before dragging Toris to the couch.

Toris was sobbing and shouting from but pain and fear. Ivan pulled him up on the couch and Toris's arms to the back and front of one of the armrests using Toris's own tie and belt.

"Ivan," Toris was saying though his tears. "Stop it. Please. Stop."

The crazed Russian slapped him again. "Be quiet, Liet. We don't want Ed-kun or Raivis to hear you now, would we?"

"Don't call me that," Toris said, crying harder than before. "Feliks-" be he couldn't say anything else. Ivan had stuffed a piece of fabric in his mouth, successfully gagging the brunette.

"Don't say that name around me," Ivan said, going back to his desk for the knife. "I do so much for you and you dare say that name in front of me? You're disgusting Liet." More tears fell from Toris's eyes. "Now, if you stay still, this will hurt less," he said, unbuttoning Toris's shirt.

It didn't hurt less. Toris was sure that his screams could be heard all around the house, even with the gag in. The gag was preventing him from swallowing properly, and Toris was convinced that if the pain didn't kill him, he would surely die by choking on his own saliva.

Every time Ivan finished a letter, he would lick the cut and when he finished with the final letter, he removed the gag from Toris's mouth and kissed him. Toris could taste his own blood as Ivan's tongue invaded his mouth, it sickened him.

"Liet," Ivan said after pulling away from the kiss. He looked down at the 'Россия' now carved into Toris's hip. "Now everyone knows that you're mine. Isn't it wonderful, Liet?" He drew the knife up Toris's chest, not enough to cut him, but it still caused him to shiver. "Will you do something for me?" he asked, tracing the knife threateningly between Toris's collarbone and neck. Toris nodded, he knew he had no choice. "Good Liet." Ivan kissed him again, quickly this time. "Now, I need you to respond to that letter and tell Feliks the truth." He leaned in to speak in Toris's ear. "Tell him about how good I'm treating you. Can you do that for me?"

Toris looked away, a tear falling on to the couch cushion. "Ivan, I," his words caught as he felt the knife trace against his neck. "Of course I can do that."

Ivan ran his tongue across where he had traced the knife. "Because you will do anything that I ask you. Isn't that right, Liet?"

The brunette shuddered, completely repulsed by Ivan's touch. When he spoke, it felt like he wasn't even in control of himself. "That's right Ivan: anything you ask."

* * *

**So, tell me what you think! Reviews honestly are my motivation for writing. Every time I get one, it reminds me to work on the story. ^_^**

**Published: June 26, 2010  
Updated: July 7, 2010 - **Changed title from _Ištvermė_ to _If You Love Me_  
**Updated: July 9, 2010 **- Fixed some Russian with more thanks to Eglaya**  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**So, in case you didn't notice, I've changed the name of this story to If You Love Me. After working on chapter 4, it just felt like the real title of the story.**

**Generally, when I write or read yaoi, it's smut. But I tried to write this a little bit sweeter. It's probably more on the fluff side, but it's not what I'd consider fluff. Please review and let me know how I did!**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

It had been two weeks since Feliks had sent his letter to Toris and there was still no response. Every day, Feliks would wait by the door for the mail. Every day, he would go though the mail looking for Toris's handwriting on the front of an envelope. But after two weeks of waiting, Feliks knew something was wrong.

"Hello," the voice on the other end of the phone answered.

Feliks took a deep breath to calm himself. "Alfred," he began slowly, "has Yao told you anything about what Ivan did to him?" Yao had been staying with the American, so Feliks knew his was his best option.

There was a long pause from the other end of the line. Feliks heard a door close and knew Alfred must have gone into a different room. "He hasn't said much. Why?"

"I'm scared. I think that Ivan may be, like, doing the same thing to Toris." Toris and Alfred were friends, if Alfred was hesitant about telling Feliks something, he would do it for Toris.

"Has he told you anything?" Alfred sounded worried.

Felix shook his head, even though he knew he was on the phone and it didn't really matter. "He totally hasn't told me anything! Why do you think I'm so scared? He, like, hasn't called and he hasn't, like, replied to my letter. I'm worried that Ivan is hurting him."

"Well, I haven't heard anything. But if something is happening, we need to find out."

"How?" Feliks was scared, but he knew calling Alfred was the right idea.

There was silence on the other end of the line. "I'm worried," Alfred finally said. "I have an idea, but I'm worried that if Ivan finds out, the situation could get much worse."

"I don't care!" Feliks shouted into the mouthpiece. "I need to know what's happening to him!"

Alfred sighed. "Alight, fine. We have a World Meeting in a few days in France. It from my understanding, it takes Ivan a day to get to France and a day to get back. He'll be gone for three days."

"What day is the meeting?"

XXX

It was the night before the World Meeting and Ivan had already been gone for several hours. Toris was on his way to cook dinner for himself and his brothers when the doorbell rang.

When he opened the door, he felt his heart stop. "Feliks, why are you here?"

"You never answered my letter." Feliks jumped up and hugged Toris around the neck, causing them both to stagger slightly.

"But I did answer your letter," Toris replied, prying the Pol off of him. "I put it in the mail the day after I got your letter. I'm fine, you didn't have to come all the way out here." He hated lying to Feliks, but if Feliks found out what was going on, Ivan would make both of them suffer. He couldn't let that happen to Feliks, he just couldn't.

"Well, it, like, doesn't matter. I'm here now. Can you take a break, Liet?"

Toris sighed. "I was just about to make dinner."

"Great!" Feliks stepped inside and stuff the door behind him. "I'll join you."

Toris turned and made his way to the kitchen, knowing Feliks would follow. What was he doing here? What if Ivan had been here? No, Feliks could be dense, but he wasn't stupid. He must've known about the meeting. And how could he have not getting the letter? It didn't make sense.

"Vend (Brother), can I talk to you for a moment?" Eduard had come in to the kitchen and seen Feliks sitting at the table. When Toris looked up at him, Eduard gestured for him to come out to the hall.

"What is it?" Toris asked, wiping his hands off with a towel as he stool in the hall.

"What is he doing here?" Eduard whispered.

"Feliks? I have no idea. He just showed up at the door."

"What if Ivan finds out he was here?" He held up Toris's hand, it was still bandaged from when Ivan had swung the knife at him. "This is just because you talked to Feliks after the Conference."

Toris pulled his hand back. "I know. That was the first thing I thought of. But Ivan won't be back for two more nights. How would he find out?" He glared at his brother, accusingly.

"I'm not going to tell him if that's what you're thinking. But we can't guarantee that Raivis won't accidently let it slip." Now it was Eduard's turn to glare at Toris. "Do you plan on doing anything foolish tonight?"

"No, of course not." Toris blushed. He had never tried to hide his past relationship with Feliks, but it was embarrassing to hear his brother talk about it. "I'm not that stupid."

"Okay, good. But if he insists on staying the night, he leaves first thing tomorrow morning."

"That's fine. Now can I go back to making dinner or are you not done here?"

Eduard only walked away, muttering something about 'warning Läti,' so Toris went back into the kitchen.

"What was that about?" Feliks asked when Toris enter the kitchen.

"Eduard doesn't think you should be here." Toris continued cooking, his back to the Pol. "I happen to agree with him."

"You agree?"

Toris still refused to look at Feliks. "Yes. I think you're being careless. You know Ivan hates you. He'll be angry if he finds out you were here."

"What would happen if he got angry?" Feliks was getting closer to what he wanted to hear.

Toris froze. Ivan would probably take his anger out on him, but he couldn't tell Feliks that. "I don't know what would happen," he eventually said.

Dinner went by without incident or mention or Ivan. Most of it was spent with the Baltic brothers in silence as Feliks talked about whatever seemed to be on his mind. When they were done eating, Eduard dragged Raivis out of the kitchen claiming it was time to go to sleep.

"But I'm not tired," Raivis complained as Eduard pulled him out of the kitchen.

"I don't care," Eduard was saying. "You don't sleep well when Ivan's here. You're sleeping now."

The sounds of their argument died down eventually, leaving Toris and Feliks sitting next to each other in the silent kitchen.

"Hey Liet," Feliks said, quietly.

Toris turned to look at Feliks. "Wha-" Feliks closed the space between their lips, cutting Toris off.

"What are you doing?" Toris tried to hide the fear he was feeling, but something in Feliks's expression told him that he had failed.

"What are you scared of, Liet? Is it Ivan? You know, he totally won't know unless you tell him. And Eduard and Raivis have no way of knowing." He kissed Toris again.

But that was exactly Toris's problem. He was starting to think that he couldn't keep any secrets from Ivan anymore.

"You have to go home," Toris said, trying to push Feliks away.

Feliks held Toris's hand back. "No! Liet, I came here to check on you! Ivan isn't here so you're, like, just gonna have to put up with me." He shifted his hand so that their fingers were intertwined and kissed the back of Toris's hand. "And I totally plan on staying the night, so you better take me to your room."

Still hand in hand, Toris led Feliks up to his room, grateful that Eduard and Raivis weren't in the hall. Toris opened the door and was pulled inside with enough force to pull the door shut behind him.

Feliks sat on the bed and continued to pull Toris until Toris landed on top of him, pushing Feliks back on the bed.

"Liet, I thought you were worried about doing anything."

Toris pushed himself off of the blond, blushing. "Feliks, please stop this."

"Like, what's wrong?" Feliks asked, sitting up next to Toris.

"We can't do what I think you want to do."

Feliks thread his arm around Toris's own and hugged it. "Then we can just talk, like when we were kids. Remember, we would tell each other everything." Toris nodded. "So, is there anything new going on with you?"

_Well,_ Toris thought, _I'm slowly becoming Yao's replacement. But I'm worried that if I do something about it, Ivan will hurt my brothers._ After a moment, he finally spoke. "Nothing's new with me."

"Really?" Feliks asked, an eyebrow raised. "Now that Yao's gone, it seems like Ivan may be giving you more attention."

Toris stared at the floor for a minute, trying to think of a way to change the subject. Finally he spoke. "No, in fact, I've hardly seen Ivan." He moved to pin Feliks down on the bed. "I'm craving attention."

"Liet, what are you-" Toris cut him off by placing both of his hand on the sides of Feliks's face and kissing him passionately.

Feliks didn't respond for a moment, confused about Toris's sudden mood change. But soon he was kissing the brunette back, savoring his taste. He had missed it.

Feliks ran his hands through Toris's hair, deepening the kiss. His hands moved down Toris's back and began to untuck his shirt. Once the back of the shirt had been pulled up, he ran his hands up Toris's back. Toris began to unbutton Feliks's shirt, kissing down his collarbone. Once Feliks's shirt had been thrown on the ground, Feliks's began to undo Toris's shirt.

Toris sat up, kneeling at Feliks's side on the bed. Feliks's pushed himself up onto his elbows, confused. "What's wrong, Liet?"

"We've gone too far."

Feliks put a hand behind Toris's neck and pulled himself up. "My shirt's off. Isn't it only fair?" He began to undo the buttons of Toris's shirt, looking at Toris from under his eyelashes.

Once the shirt was completely unbuttoned, Toris wrapped it around himself, arms folded across his chest.

"Liet, what's wrong? You're totally freaking me out." Feliks tried to coax the shirt off of him, laying gentle kisses over every inch of uncovered skin.

Finally the shirt came off and Feliks looked over the Lithuanian's torso. It was nearly perfect, just as he remembered. There was only one thing wrong. Down by his hip was a series of clearly new scars which formed a word in Russian: Россия.

"What does it say?" Feliks asked, running a finger around the scars.

Toris looked away, on the verge of tears. He didn't want anyone to see that. He hadn't even let Eduard see. "It's says 'Russia.' Ivan says it marks me as his." Now the tears really did begin to fall.

"Why, Liet? Why did he do this to you? What else has he done?" He pulled his friend closet him and let him cry on his shoulder.

"It's because of you," Toris said through his tears. "He said that I was still attached to you and that I couldn't be disloyal if I were to work for him."

Feliks reached down to hold Toris's bandaged hand. "Is that how this happened?" he whispered.

"No," Toris pulled his hand back. "That was a cooking accident. Ivan hasn't done anything else to me. These kind of things happen. Eduard and Raivis have some cuts and scars as well." It was all a lie, but Feliks didn't need to know that.

The Pol's hands moved around Toris's waist and he brought them so close together that they were in complete contact from their hips to their shoulders. "Toris, can you promise me something?" Toris nodded. "Promise me that you'll tell me if anything more happens to you."

Toris moved them to lay down on the bed, side by side. Their legs were tangled together on the bed that was too small for both of them to have space. Their arms were wrapped around each other and their faces were almost touching. "I promise."

Feliks readjusted himself so that his head was resting on Toris's chest. "That's all I needed to hear. I love you, Liet."

Toris pulled Feliks in closer to him, wishing this moment could last forever. "I love you too."

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**Don't forget to review! I really means a lot to me.**

**Published: July 8, 2010  
Updated: July 9, 2010 **- Minor editing. I had typed this chapter on an iTouch.**  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ah! All my chapters are getting shorter!**

**Anyway, thank you for all the reviews! This is the fastest I've ever gotten an M rated chapter written. I love you all! Like, you have no idea.**

**Also, Eglaya get's cookies. ^_^ Thank you for the amazing reviews and the language help.**

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**Chapter 4**

During the week after Feliks's visit, everywhere Toris went, Ivan's eyes were on him. He would sit in the kitchen as Toris cooked or cleaned, occasionally approaching him and running a hand on his arm or through his hair. Toris hated it. Every time he felt Ivan's eyes on him or felt a hand on him, he would be filled with dread. Ivan was too unpredictable for Toris to relax at all.

The only place Toris could gain any feeling of security was in his own room. But even that was destroyed by Ivan one night.

Toris was sitting on his bed, reading a book before he went to sleep one night when Ivan slipped into the room. "Toris," he said cheerfully, "I'm glad I found you."

"Ivan, what are you doing here?" Toris tried to remain calm, but most of his attention went to trying to slow his rapidly increasing heartbeat.

Ivan moved towards the bed and leaned on one of the posts of the footboard. "I was thinking, you don't love me, do you Toris? You're scared of me. I can see it."

"I'm not scared of you." It's wasn't entirely a lie. Toris has passed scared a long time ago.

"But you don't love me." Ivan climbed on to the bed and straddled Toris's legs. Toris could smell vodka, but it wasn't a lot. Still, any alcohol in Ivan's system was something to fear. "You don't love me like Yao did." He took the book out of Toris's hands and threw it on the floor, moving farther up Tori's legs and sitting on his thighs. "If you did love me, you would lean into my touch, not shrink away from it."

He leaned forward and put one hand on Toris's chest. Toris tried to move back, but he was up against the headboard and Ivan had trapped his legs in place. The look on Ivan's face changed to rage and he began to push Toris into the headboard. "See!" he shouted, his hand sliding up Toris's chest as he pushed. "You don't love me! You hate me!"

"No, Ivan, please," Toris managed to say. The pressure on his chest was making it hard to breath. But Ivan wasn't listening and Toris was starting to feel faint. "I-I don't hate you!" But the pressure didn't let up. "I love you."

Ivan sat back, staring at Toris like a confused child. "You love me?" Toris barely heard him, but nodded anyway while he tried to catch his breath. "If you loved me, you wouldn't act like this."

"You startled me," Toris said, trying to keep Ivan calm.

Ivan put a hand back on Toris's chest, gently this time. "I don't believe you. You don't love me."

Toris raised one of his hands and put it over Ivan's. "I do, I really do." He closed his eyes and tried to think of Feliks, but Ivan's hands didn't feel the same. Ivan's hands were too big.

"If you love me," Ivan bent down to Toris's face, "you'd let me kiss you."

"I do let you kiss me. You kiss me all the time," Toris whispered, trying to ignore the smell of vodka now engulfing his senses.

"You never kiss me back." Ivan pressed his lips against Toris's and the brunette knew that this was a test. He said he loved Ivan and this was his chance to get Ivan to believe him. So Toris responded, bringing both his hands up and twisting them into Ivan's hair. When Ivan's tongue ran across Toris's lips, Toris opened his mouth to give the Russian entrance. Their tongues moved together and Toris could feel the smile the Ivan was wearing.

Ivan eventually pulled away. "Do you believe me, Ivan?" Toris asked quietly. "I've grown to love you. You are the only one I think about."

"I do believe you," Ivan said. He took off his shirt before moving to do the same to Toris. "So now I want to fill more than just your thoughts."

Toris's heart began to race. Ivan wanted to have sex with him! He didn't want that. Was there any way to talk him out of it? "Ivan, wait. Do we have to do this now? I'm tired and it takes too much energy."

He gasped as Ivan licked on of his nipples. Clearly, it didn't matter what he said. Everything inside him knew that what Ivan was doing was wrong. His instincts told him to get out, for his own safety. But he couldn't move, Ivan was still sitting on his legs.

"Stop, no, Ivan!" Toris tried to pull the Russian's hands away as they began to unbuckle his belt.

In on swift movement, Ivan grasped both of Toris's wrists in one hand and pulled them over his head. "If you love me, Liet," Ivan whispered, now face to tace with the brunette. Toris felt tears building up at the sound of Feliks's name for him. "You wouldn't care about this."

"I-I do love you." Toris didn't want to say it again, but he was scared of what would happen if he didn't.

Ivan smiled, released Toris's arms, and moved back down to his waist. "In that case, you want this to happen. So, Liet, look me in the eyes and tell me what you want me to do."

Toris look at Ivan, but everything was blurry with tears. "I love you. I want you inside of me." He didn't even have time to regret his words because of the speed Ivan stripped him of his pants and boxers. But he was scared. He had never been in this position before. If it were him and Feliks, Toris would be doing what Ivan was now.

Ivan took off his own pants to reveal his already hard length and positioned himself at Toris's entrance. "I'm ready for this, Liet. I hope you are too."

"No! Wait!" Toris tried to move away. What was Ivan thinking? No preparation! But he didn't have time to worry about it any more. Ivan pushed into him and Toris screamed so loud he was sure he wouldn't be able to speak tomorrow.

When Ivan began to thrust, Toris felt like his insides were being torn apart. Tears began to fall. His covered his face with his hands in the hopes that Ivan wouldn't notice. "Ivan, please stop," he sobbed. "Please. It hurt."

"But Liet," Ivan said, not stopping in his thrusting, "I'm close. Почти- (Almost-)"

When he came inside Toris, it felt like his insides were burning. Toris screamed again, but this time his throat gave out and sounded more like a hoarse moan.

Ivan bent down to kiss Toris, who hardly had the strength to respond. He felt completely drained. When the Russian stood up to put his clothes back on, Toris noticed blood. He knew that it had to be his blood, but he didn't have the will to even move to check. _Štai kodėl- (That's why-),_ he thought, but his mind couldn't even process what was going on.

His entire backside hurt. Feliks had sometimes complained about being sore after they had sex, but it wasn't like this. At least Toris never tried to hurt him. He slowly moved onto his stomach, wincing with the pain as he readjusted himself.

Ivan put a hand on his shoulder and Toris's entire body tensed. "What are you doing? Are you tempting me, Liet? That's not fair." He ran his hand all the way Toris's body until he reached the foot of the bed where the top sheet and comforter were folded. He pulled them over Toris and kissed him on the shoulder. "Сладкие мечты. (Sweet dreams.)"

What seemed like hours later, though it could have only been a few minutes, Toris had no idea, Eduard came into his room.

"Toris," he said quietly, kneeling at the side of the bed, close to Toris's face. "I heard your screaming. But I had to wait until Ivan had gone into his room before coming here." He put one hand on Toris's cheek. "Are you alright? What did he do to you? Did he cut you again?"

Toris tried to move away from Eduard's hand, but painless movement on his stomach was very limited and he didn't end up moving.

"What did he do?" Eduard insisted.

"Did Raivis hear?" Toris asked, putting one hand on top of Eduard's.

Eduard nodded and wiped away the tears that instantly began to fall down Toris's face. "I explained to him that you were dealing with this to protect us and if he told anyone, you could be in even more danger. Now, what did Ivan do to you?" he asked again. He examined Toris's face and hands, the only things not under the covers. There were bruises around his wrists from where Ivan had gripped him at one point. "How did these happen?" But Toris still didn't respond. "Vend, are you going to tell me anything?"

Toris closed his eyes, refusing to look at his brother. "Ne. Deja, brolis. (No. I'm sorry, brother.)"

"Then I'm just going to have to find out myself." Eduard stood up and began to pull the covers off of his brother.

"Liaukis!" Toris shouted. He didn't even care that his brother probably didn't know what he was saying. It was his native language and he didn't care enough at the moment to speak anything different.

As expected, his outburst had no effect and Eduard pulled the covers off anyway. He gasped and stepped back. Toris's entire lower half was smeared with blood from his shifting around and large stains were beginning to form on the sheets.

Toris buried his face in the pillow, ashamed of what he let happen to himself. He had led Ivan on in an attempt to save himself. As much as he hated what had happened, a part of his mind told him that Ivan was only doing what Toris had asked him to. It was his fault.

"Vend, can you stand. Please, go clean yourself off. I'll take care of your bed." He helped his brother into the bathroom and set out a towel for him. "I'll be changing your sheets. Please be careful."

It took Toris some time to get himself into the shower. First he had to summon all of his will to even move and then try to do it with what little energy he had. Once he had closed the shower door behind himself, he just stood, head against the wall, for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, he turned on the water, not caring about the frigid temperatures before stepping under the flow. He gasped and tears built in his eyes. The water hurt so much more than he had been expecting. He was ripped on the outside too, and it burned when the water ran over his injuries.

He closed his eyes and tried to breath slowly. But when he closed his eyes, Ivan appeared on the inside of his eyelids. _"Liet,"_ the Ivan in his mind was saying, _"Why are you washing me away? I thought you loved me."_

Toris was about to reply before he remembered that Ivan wasn't really there. _I can't even get away from him in my mind now. What's wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this?_ Did he really deserve the help Eduard was giving him? No. He didn't need or want help. He could handle this abuse on his own. It was more than he had anticipated, but it couldn't get much worse than this. And he survived this.

Eventually, he got out of the shower. It still hurt to move, but he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped into his room anyway. Eduard was finishing making his bed.

"Eduard," Toris said slowly, not meeting his brother's eyes. "I never asked for help."

"But you needed it. You know that as much as I do."

"No, I brought this on myself. I need to handle it on my own."

Eduard looked up from making the bed. "I disagree. You did nothing but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm going to help you. You're my brother. I love you."

Toris winced. He didn't want to hear those words, even if Eduard did only mean them in a brotherly way. "Just get out," he said coldly. "And don't tell Ivan about this, if he doesn't know already."

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**So, not the best rape I've written, I hope it was still okay though. Please review and let me know! Also, Toris's mindset afterwords isn't random. Like I said at the beginning of the story, this is inspired by Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. From what I've seen on the show (which is fairly accurate about most things), this is a very common mindset for rape victims. And don't go saying that Toris wasn't technically raped, because that was not at all consensual.**

**There is some non-translated stuff in this chapter, but they either don't matter much towards the progress of the story, or I've used it in past chapters.**

**Published: July 13, 2010**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it took so long to update! I got distracted and then really busy with back to school stuff! I have more update information at the end of this.**

**I felt like I was being a tease when I was writing this. If you agree with me, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. There are lots of parts in this chapter, but I think I've managed to make it pretty clear what is what. Like with Chapter 2, the big chunk of italics is a memory.**

**Please Review! I seriously love you all!**

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**Chapter 5**

The next morning, to Toris's horror, Eduard greeted him at the breakfast table with a split lip, a bandage on the side of his face, and his right wrist wrapped in bandages.

"Eduard, what happened to you?" Toris had a feeling he knew, but he didn't want it to be true. He needed to hear Eduard say it.

"He was waiting for me in my room." There was a smile on his face that Toris knew was meant to assure him that he was okay, but it only served to enrage the Lithuanian more. "But I'm fine. Really, I am. It's only a few cuts. Nothing's broken."

"No, this is my fault," Toris said, quickly setting out the food he had made for them all. "I should've told you not to help me."

Eduard put a hand on Toris's shoulder. "Even if you did, I still would've done it."

"But it's my fault this is happening in the first place!" Toris shouted, knocking his brother's hand away.

"What Ivan is doing to you is not your fault."

"How do you know that Eduard?" Toris continued to shout. "You are never there when these things happen! How can you say that it's not my fault?"

At that point, Raivis stepped into the kitchen and both of the older boys froze. "Is something wrong?" he asked, a small frown on his face.

"It's nothing Raivis, come eat," Eduard said, leading the boy to the table.

"Oh, Toris," Raivis said as he sat down, "Ivan said he needed to speak with you."

Toris looked at Eduard, feeling disgusted with himself. "Good, I need to speak with him as well." He turned an stormed out of the kitchen. He needed to make it clear to Ivan that he was not to touch his brothers, no matter what he did to Toris.

As expected, Ivan was sitting in his office, going through that day's mail. Toris slammed his hand's down on the desk, too angry to worry about Ivan's reactions. "This is not okay, Ivan," he shouted. "You can beat me, you can cut me, and you can fuck me, but _do not_ touch my brothers."

Ivan looked up and met Toris's eyes. Almost instantly, Toris regretted his outburst. Why did he ever think he could stand up to Ivan? This man could crush him if he wanted. "Alfred never seems to know when to stop talking," he said as if Toris hadn't even spoken. "We have another meeting and this one's a little closer to home. Will you drive me?"

Toris was confused. Did Ivan not hear him? He must've. It was hard to miss what he had done. But at the same time, Toris was relieved that this was not one of Ivan's strange requests. "Yes sir," he finally said. "I can drive you. When is the meeting?"

Ivan looked down at one of the many papers on his desk. "I would like to leave in one week."

"Is there anything else you need?" Toris was almost happy. He couldn't forget what Ivan had done to him, but at least things were normal now. He still didn't like it, but it was much better than the past few weeks.

"No, that's all. But please make sure that Raivis doesn't send my clothes to a museum again."

XXX

The week leading up to the meeting was fairly uneventful. Things almost had gone back to the way they were before the other nations had taken Yao away. Although Toris did his best to appreciate the time he had without Ivan harassing him, following him, or touching him, something still made him uneasy.

Toris was loading up the car on the day he was to take Ivan to the meeting when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Ivan had pushed his hair out of the way and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"Thank you Toris. I'm very happy that you're coming with me." He planted a quick kiss just underneath Toris's ear before getting in the car.

At that point, Toris would've given anything to be shot dead where he stood. The feel of Ivan's lips against his skin made him feel dirty and every feeling of what Ivan had done so far came rushing back, despite his attempts to erase them from his memory.

"I-Ivan," he eventually said, still standing where Ivan had kissed him. "I'm not feeling well. Is there any way Eduard could drive you?"

Ivan got back out of the car and ran a hand through Toris's hair. "В чем дело? (Why?/What's the matter?)"

Toris stepped back, not looking at the Russian. "I'm just not very comfortable with this," he said slowly.

A confused look passed over Ivan's face. He looked like a child again, and Toris was scared. "Please Liet. I promise I won't do anything while you're driving."

He shuddered slightly, hating Feliks's name for him spoken by that tongue. "F-Fine, I'll drive you there." Without another look at his boss, Toris got in the driver's seat and started the car.

Ivan made good on his promise to not do anything while Toris was driving. When they got to where the meeting was being held, Toris took Ivan's bags and followed him up to his room.

"When would you like me to pick you up?" he asked, putting the bags down.

"Oh, well, I'm not sure Liet." Toris tensed hearing that name again. "Maybe it would be better if you just stayed here." There was a click from by the door and Toris was sure Ivan had just locked him inside.

"I d-didn't bring any other clothes," he said, trying to come up with any reason to leave the room.

The Russian laughed quietly before closing most of the space between the two of them. "You told me you loved me. But when I backed away from you, you didn't come to me like Yao did. Why is that?"

Toris looked away. "I had a lot of work to do is all."

"Do you want to know what I think? I think you lied to me Liet. So I thought we'd use this little trip to teach you how to love me." He pushed Toris against the window, kissing him.

He shuddered as the cold from the glass seeped his clothes and froze his back. He whimpered against Ivan's lips, but Ivan only deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into the other's mouth. When Toris tried to pull away, he found that he was completely trapped between the window and Ivan, unable to move.

Ivan pressed himself against Toris, grinding their hips together. Toris shook his head and tried to push Ivan away, but he wasn't strong enough. He continued to push on Ivan's shoulders, and when Ivan finally moved, Toris knew that it was not because of his own efforts.

"By the time we go home, you will know what it means to love me," he whispered. Lips attacked Toris's neck, kissing, biting, sucking. He wouldn't stop, despite Toris's protests.

A hand reached down to grope Toris through his pants and Toris gasped, unable to stop himself. "Ivan, please," fell from his lips desperately. And while he meant it to be a plea for Ivan to stop, Toris was horrified to hear the want in his voice.

"Your body loves me Liet, it can't get enough of me." In one swift movement, Ivan had slipped off the other's pants. The same hand moved to cup Toris's balls, a finger stroking the area between them and his hole.

Hands gripped tighter on Ivan's shoulders as Toris took shuddering breath, willing himself not to moan. He couldn't encourage the Russian. But damn it, he was turned on. He needed Ivan to touch him. But he knew that he couldn't give in.

XXX

_"Sir, you have a call," Toris said one he found Ivan. His boss was sitting in what could've been a patio, but there were walls and large windows to keep out the winter air. He was just sitting at the table, talking to a man so beautiful, he could've been a woman._

_"Thank you," he said with a nod of apology at his guest. "Will you please keep Yao company?" He went inside to take the call._

_Toris took a closer look at the man Ivan had called Yao. Now that he thought about it, he had seen Yao around before, but he never had the opportunity to see him up close._

_"You must be Toris aru," Yao said with a smile. After a nod of confirmation, he continued. "I've heard good things about you aru."_

_Toris was surprised, Ivan talked about him. "Thank you. But if you don't mind me asking, what is your relationship with Ivan?"_

_The Chinese man smiled slightly. "We're lovers."_

_That was definitely not what Toris had been expecting. He couldn't stop from blurting out, "How?"_

_"He," Yao began, seriously thinking. "Ivan is like a child in an adult's world aru. He tries to stay strong. But really, he just needs someone who will love him and tell him everything will work out aru. I can be that."_

_"And you're okay with that?"_

_"I'm more than okay with it aru. I love him." Yao blushed slightly and turned away._

_A few hours later, Toris passed the hall with Ivan's bedroom and spotted the two of them tangled in each other's arms, lips locked. He hurried away, feeling like he had intruded on something private and personal. But at the same time, he was happy. Ivan and Yao seemed happy together._

_...What had gone wrong?_

XXX

Toris woke up the next morning to find himself laying in bed, trapped in Ivan's arms. The memories of the night before came rushing back and his eyes started to sting with forming tears. How could he let himself give in like that?

Last night, Ivan had sucked him off. But Toris had wanted him to. His memories were only the feeling of Ivan's mouth around him, his moan, the way Ivan looked at him, and his cries of "Oh God! Ivan! More! Ah!"

Once Ivan had swallowed Toris's mess, he came back up to kiss him. Toris almost desperately obliged. They had ended up on the bed, Ivan on top of a still pant-less Lithuanian. Toris didn't understand why he didn't object to that, but he remembered Ivan taking off his jacket and Toris running hands over his chest, unbuttoning the top few buttons so he could have contact with just a little more of the man's skin. Wanton moans fell from his mouth at the feel of Ivan's lips and he found himself getting hard again.

"No, stop," he had said. "No more Ivan."

He had expected the Russian to ignore or refuse him. What he hadn't expected was for Ivan to smile and accept it. "If you're done, that's fine." Ivan readjusted them so that he was in complete contact with Toris's back, wrapped his arms around him.

They had fallen asleep like that and now that it was morning, Toris regretted it. He was still trapped in Ivan's arms.

His attempts to get out of the grip seemed to wake Ivan up. The big Russian only pulled him in closer. "Did you have fun last night Liet?" He kissed the base of his neck.

All the muscles in Toris body tensed when Ivan's lips met his skin. He bit his lip, willing so sound or no shudder to escape him. "What happened last night," he finally said, "won't happen again. I don't want it to. Are you okay with that?"

"Of course. We won't do it again." Ivan unwrapped his arms and got up. "I have the meeting soon."

Toris sighed when he heard the shower start. He still had a few minutes to collect himself. He began to busy himself with dressing and cleaning the room, doing his best not to think about the man on the other side of the bathroom door.

Once Ivan was ready to go, he looked at the brunette. "Now Toris," he said as if he was talking to a small child, "I want you to stay in here while I'm out. I'll know if you even open the door." He put his coat on. "And if you do what I say, you'll be rewarded."

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**So, my goal is to have at least one (but hopefully two) more updates before 2011. I'm trying to get all my college applications finished by the end of October so I can do NaNoWriMo in November. So if all goes well, I'm thinking one update before November and one update in December. I hope I can get chapter 7 up soon, I'm in love with it. But that means I still have to finish chapter 6...**

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!**

**Published: September 3, 2010**


	6. Chapter 6

**-flails- Can you ever forgive me! It's been almost a year! Well, it's a least been a whole school year. I never once forgot about this story. Sadly, I've lost some of my inspiration for these next few chapters. Have no fear! I'll still do my best. I still love this story, but I have to make myself excited about it again.**

**Maybe all your _REVIEWS_ will help me get excited again.**

**I wanted to make this chapter much more explicit than it is, but I was more concerned with getting a chapter out to you all. I hope it's decent!**

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**Chapter 6**

Toris did as Ivan said and didn't even open the door all day. It wasn't the idea of a reward that kept him in however. It was the fear of what would happen to him if he did open the door. But that evening, Ivan opened the door with a smile on his face.

"You're such a good boy," he said, shutting and locking the door behind him before shedding his coat. "Have you eaten?"

Toris nodded as he took Ivan's coat from him and went to hang it up.

"Are you ready for your reward?" before waiting for a response, Ivan wrapped his arms around him and pulled into a deep kiss.

"Why?" Toris asked, pulling his lips away from Ivan.

Ivan smiled, frightening Toris slightly. "I'm making it so you will never leave me." He bent down to nibble at the brunette's ear before continuing. "I'm making it so you will always, desperately, want me. Isn't that fantastic Liet?"

Toris shivered. "I don't really think so. Can't I love you on my own terms?" While he hated the idea of loving the Russian, if this could stop him from being raped, he wouldn't mind pretending.

"But you always say no to me. I'm tired of waiting for you. Yao wasn't like this. He was eager, excited even. Why can't you be the same way?" He moved away from Toris and dug through his bag, pulling out a bottle of lube and a pair of handcuffs. Toris mentally hit himself for not going through Ivan's bags during the day.

He could've tried to run, but Ivan was between him and the door. /I can't just stand here and let him do this to me./ But when Ivan turned around, a fear so powerful shot through Toris, he knew there was no way to fight what was going to happen. With a sigh, he began to take off his tie.

"You've decided you want this after all Liet?" Ivan asked, drawing closer.

Toris shook his head. "It's just one less thing you can choke me with."

Ivan laughed and ran his free hand through Toris's hair and pulled him into a kiss, directing Toris to the bed. They moved back along the bed, still kissing. Once Ivan had put the lube and cuffs down, he began to unbutton Toris's shirt.

Other than faking some moans and shudders, Toris lay completely still, letting Ivan do as he pleased. He only showed any real objection when he registered the cool metal locking around one of his wrists. "No. Why? I don't-"

"You don't get any control this time Liet. I need to teach you." Ivan brought both of the brunette's arms above his head and threaded the handcuffs through the bars of headboard.

Once both of his wrists were locked in, Toris gave an experimental pull. There was no way his hands could slip out. He was scared, but at the same time, a little excited at the thought.

Next, Ivan took off both of their belts and put them off to the side before crawling over Toris. "You are about to feel fantastic. And I want to make sure you know who's doing this to you. Say my name."

"Ivan Braginski."

"Good. And every time you want to shout, shout my name. Remember how good /I/ make you feel." He pulled Toris into a passionate kiss, running his hands through Toris's hair as his tongue invaded his mouth.

At first, Toris was disgusted by Ivan's tongue. But after a few seconds, he remembered the night before. There was sometime amazing in Ivan's kisses last night. Toris wanted that. He began to move his mouth against Ivan's, trying to coax out whatever it was that had amazed him before. If he could find that, his situation would be more bearable.

He did find it. Suddenly, Toris was returning Ivan's kisses with almost as much passion. He wished his arms weren't tied so he could pull Ivan closer. Instead, he settled for his legs, wrapping them around Ivan's waist.

No sooner had Toris's legs wrapped around the Ivan, Ivan was pulling back, out of the kiss. Toris was ashamed to hear himself whine at the loss of the Russian, only to be followed by a moan as the same man took one of his nipples into his mouth. "I-Ivan," he breathed, letting out a slightly louder shout soon after.

It turned out, that was only a distraction. Toris hadn't even heard his zipper being undone and wasn't aware that his pants were being removed until he felt the cool air on his thighs. He was embarrassed to see the physical sign of what Ivan was doing to him as he was completely exposed.

"N-Now-" he began to say, only to be cut off.

"I said you got no control this time. You simply have to follow my orders." Ivan picked up the first belt, looping it around Toris's thigh, just above his knee. He tied the other end to the headboard before the same thing with the other leg. Toris was now completely retrained and exposed, this new position allowing Ivan easy access to all of his most sensitive parts.

"Let's start you off easy, shall we? This is a contest for yourself Liet, how many times can you get right to the edge without going over." Without any hesitation, Ivan took all of Toris's length into his mouth.

"Ivan!" he shouted, remembering what his instructions had been at the beginning. His back arched as Ivan sucked on him. "Oh Ivan!"

Ivan smirked, Toris's length still in his mouth. He grazed his teeth up the shaft and nipped at the head, lapping up the pre-cum. When Toris tried to buck his hips, Ivan held them down.

Toris was completely immobilized, which he liked more than he wanted to admit. Maybe it was from everything he had gone through since he started working for Ivan. Anyone would have to be a little masochistic to survive as long as he had.

The painfully slow blowjob continued, whether it was for a minute or hours, Toris didn't know. All that mattered was the feeling. It was so good. So good. Ivan knew what he was doing and Toris hadn't felt anything like that since he was with Feliks.

Ivan's name fell from his lips as he felt himself getting closer to the edge. God, he was so close. But Ivan stayed true to his word and pulled away.

"You like that, да?"

Toris just nodded, his panting making it nearly impossible to speak. "Please Ivan... пожалуйста..."

But Ivan just shook his head and sat back. "Now we wait and do it again. Would you like me to try something different?"

A whine escaped Toris's lips. He didn't want a different way to torture him. He just wanted to finish. "How long will we be doing this?" he asked quietly.

"My next meeting starts in 12 hours."

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**Please review! I know this isn't the best chapter considering I've been gone so long. But maybe you'll all come back to me? -grabby hands-**

**Translation:**  
**пожалуйста - Please**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'M SO SORRY! -falls to my knees, begging forgiveness- First it was college apps and then my computer broke! I've gone a year without a computer. I wrote this chapter and the last one on my iPod! Then I finally got a computer and didn't have Word. Now I have Word and the world is filled with sunshine and double rainbows. I don't know how regular updates will be simply because college is a bitch (even though I love it more than life itself). But I'll do my best now! I still want to continue this story!**

**Also, I wrote half of this a year ago and half of it sitting in a Starbucks just now. I wonder if you can tell where the change is. My writing's probably gotten worse. I haven't written anything in almost a year. NaNoWriMo is going to save my life.**

**Much love!**  
**Roki **

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**Chapter 7**

On the third night, there was no hesitation. The moment Ivan came in, his lips found Toris's and now they were lying on the bed, naked, as Ivan stroked both of them.

"I-Iva- Ahhh~" he was trying to say through the touches. His breath was ragged and he still sought to fight the pleasure racking through his body at the touch.

The Russian reached an oiled finger around to Toris's back and began to apply pressure to his hole. "N-n-not tonight Ivan, please. I'm still sore from last night."

"Then let's try something different." He turned Toris around so his back was pressed into Ivan's stomach and lifted his top leg.

A cool sensation fell over Toris's inner thigh and he gasped. Ivan was spreading the lube from his fingers onto Toris. "What are you doing?" Toris asked, confused.

"I'm going to fuck you Liet. Only, you won't be in pain tomorrow." He pressed his already lubed cock at Toris entrance, but instead of entering him, Ivan's thrust pushed his length between Toris's thighs.

His member applied pressure to the sensitive area below Toris's hole. At the deepest point in the thrust, pressure was even applied to his prostate, causing Toris to let out a sound something like a shout of surprise and a moan of pleasure. "Ivan, ngh, there!" he panted, throwing his head back to press against Ivan's shoulder. "Ha, ah, oh-" his sounds continued to grow in volume with each thrust. It was intense pleasure like Toris had never experienced, but he knew it wasn't enough to make him climax. His own cock was being completely ignored.

Toris reached a hand down to try and masturbate, but Ivan grabbed both of his wrists in one hand and held them against Toris's chest.

"Ivan," he whimpered. "Please."

"Please what? You have to explain these things to me if you want to get the right thing." He began to slow his thrusts.

"Ah! No! Ivan, you know what I want!" It was even more difficult to focus now, the slow thrusts torturing him. But Ivan only readjusted himself so that the head of his cock pressed into Toris's entrance slightly before moving back to his balls.

Toris bit his lip as tears fell from his eyes. Everything Ivan was doing to him was amazing, but now he just wanted to cum. "Ivan!" he shouted as one of The Russian's hands went to pinching a twisting a nipple. "It's too mu- Ah!" Ivan had thrust again, slamming his length into his balls again, pulling on them and grinding the pleasure spot inside of him.

Every muscle in his body clenched and Toris cried out, white spilling on to the sheets. Ivan followed soon after, spilling over and on the front of Toris's thigh.

"Well?" Ivan asked, kissing Toris's neck.

"I-I," Toris tried to say, but his breath was coming in ragged sighs and he could hardly speak. "I'm still hard. I'm sorry."

Ivan pulled himself out from between Toris's thighs and moved to straddle Toris. "And why do you suppose that is Liet?"

Toris moved to lay on his back. He could hardly see Ivan through the tears that had begun again. "I don't know. I'm sorry Ivan. It was amazing. Why am I not done?" He pulled the pillow out from behind him and hid his face, sobbing quietly.

"It's because you body hasn't gotten what it wants yet," Ivan said, running a hand still slick with lube over Toris's inner thigh.

Toris moaned, moving the pillow far enough down his face to show Ivan begging eyes full of tears.

"Do you want me to suck you off?" Toris nodded.

Without hesitation, Ivan took all of Toris into his mouth. "Ah!" Toris shouted. His toes curled and he hid his face under the pillow again, biting it to muffle his moans.

Ivan pulled off of him, frowning. "Get rid of that pillow. What did I say the rules were for this?"

_No __pillow?_ Toris thought to himself, but he moved the pillow anyway, revealing his flushed face and slightly desperate expression. "I-Ivan…"

The Russian smirked. "That's more like it Liet." He licked the slit of Toris's length, causing his whole body to jerk and him to let out another moan.

Ivan continued with his merciless blowjob for who knows how long. Toris didn't bother to keep track of time. All that mattered to him was that Ivan finished what he started. Based on the first night, he couldn't even be guaranteed another orgasm.

Lucky for Toris, Ivan allowed him to finish. Crying out Ivan's name, Toris arched his back and came hard into Ivan's mouth. Ivan glared at him and Toris curled up a little, scared.

"Did I say you could cum?" He held up a hand, as if to slap the Lithuanian.

Toris threw his arms over his face. "N-No… I'm sorry Ivan, I'm so sorry."

But to his surprise, Ivan simply kissed the scar on the palm of Toris's hand. "Bu I made you feel amazing, right Liet?"

The brunette nodded.

"Right Liet?" Ivan wanted him to say it.

"Да, Иван." Toris replied. "You are amazing."

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**I've decided to cut out chapters 8 and 9 because I'm really not in the mood to write more smut. I've become a big fan of plot this past year. Chapter 10 (but I guess now it's Chapter 8) has some smut, but it's plot driven. Hopefully I'll get it updated soon! Now that midterms are over, I'll hopefully be able to get some writing done before my classes pick up again.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Translations:**  
**Да, Иван (Russian) - Yes Ivan. (I included this in the translation just in case y'all didn't know that was 'Ivan.' Shoot me, I just said 'y'all'...)**

**Published: October 17, 2011**


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